Part Two: Body Image

Through different stages in my life, I feel differently about losing weight. I've tried to lose weight for many reasons; not all of them good ones.
I've tried to lose weight to make my family happy. I understood, even then, that it was hard on my parents to watch their oldest daughter be teased because of her weight. To see me so unhappy with the way I looked.
I've tried to lose weight to fit into the 'image' of perfection. Skinny=Pretty=Perfection. That was my mantra all through elementary, middle and high school.
This is truly the first time in my life I'm trying to lose weight to be healthy. I'm not going to lie and say it has nothing to do with looking better, because it does. To me, liking the way I look is a large part of being mentally healthy. The thing is, I'm not doing this to be skinny, I'm doing it to be at a healthy weight for my body.
When I look back I realize that I wrapped a lot of my self-worth into my body image. In reality, those two should never mix. If you base your self-worth on how you look, you'll never be happy. You'll always find something wrong somewhere on your body; I'm too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall. I'm too big, too small, too loud, too shy. My hair is too straight, too curly, too short, too long. My clothes are never good enough. I'm never good enough.
It's so sad to think back and realize I wasted so many years trying to be 'perfect', that I never just tried to be me. I know a lot of people go through esteem and body image issues, but I'm just wondering how many people don't really find themselves until later in life, or ever.
At twenty-four years old I have finally figured out who I am. I am Amanda Vermette, nee Cox. I am funny, outgoing and caring. I am not obnoxious, mean or skinny. I am good at writing, telling the world how I feel, exaggerating and being emotional. I am not good at fighting with people (it makes me sick to my stomach). I hate olives and people who hurt others. I love cheese, chocolate, my friends and family. I love that I have the unwavering support of my friends and family. I love that I have the support of everyone of you who reads this blog.
I want to be able to help other young girls from ever having to go through what I went through. I want to teach them that body image and self-esteem and self-worth should never be combined. I want to tell them that they are not defined by what they look like and their worth is not decided by how much their jeans cost. I want to tell them that they are the only ones who can decide what their worth. You are the only one that can decide your worth.