It's just emotion taking me over

Yesterday I got into an argument with someone very close to me. It wasn't even an argument really, they just avoided my texts and phone calls. This person is an alcoholic. This person means the world to me. After avoiding my texts and phone calls all day, they finally picked up when I called at 8:30 last night. They picked up, only to hang up on me without saying a word. I was thrilled. This is not the reaction most people would have upon being ignored, then hung up on by someone dear to them, but I'm not most people, and this isn't a normal relationship. I was thrilled because that meant this person was still alive.
I could make a living off feeling guilty. I could make a killing off making myself sick with worry over things not in my control. I could kill myself doing both those things as well.
My first reaction after realizing that I was happy about being ignored because that meant this person hadn't hurt themselves, was to grab a chocolate bar and a bag of Smart Food popcorn, settle into my brand new leather couch, and eat myself into a fat coma. Instead I went to bed and cried.
It's about time I stop hiding my emotions behind a 150lbs of fat. It's about time that I face my problems and deal with them head on. It's about time that I make myself accountable for the way I look and feel. It's easy to blame others when your in denial. I pride myself on being able to connect to others on an emotional level, but it's time I stop letting other people's emotions run (and ruin) my life.
I promised I would be as honest as I could in this blog, and I keep that promise to you all by telling you what I couldn't even admit to myself. I am fat because I let emotion rule my life. I will be healthy because today is the day that I start to rule my emotions.
I will not feel guilty.
I will not make myself sick over things I cannot control.
I will not blame myself for others bad choices.
I will be healthy.
I will be happy.
I will live.