Three Cheese Ziti

As I sit here eating my Smart Ones Three Cheese Ziti by Weight Watchers, I contemplate what my life will be like when I'm "skinny". I know that it's not healthy to use terms like skinny, or fat, etc. But, like every other aspect of weight loss, what I know, is not always what I do. I know how to eat, what to eat, when to eat. I know every calorie in every bite I eat. I know how to plan ahead for the week, and how order in restaurants. What I know, is not what I do. As I calculate every bite I eat during the day, I pretend that it's "not that bad" and that I'm still young, and other than my weight, I'm very healthy. I convince myself on a daily basis that I still have time to lose weight and enjoy life. The truth is, time is running out. I'm twenty-four years old, and have yet to look at a photograph of myself and thing "Wow, I look good", I have yet to feel comfortable in a bathing suit. I have yet been able to go shopping and not have to worry if this store or that will have my size. I spend thousands of extra dollars each year buying plus size clothing to go along with my plus size frame. Along with the extra money spent on clothing, I spend another $1000+ a year on weight loss products, $2000+ at fast food restaurants and another $1000+ for a gym membership I don't use. In total, not only is my weight killing me, it's also costing me at least $5000 a year. In this economy, who can afford that? As I move from my Ziti to my desert of grapes, I try not to think about the delicious strawberry cheesecake in the fridge here at work. "Grapes are good. Grapes are good for me." I keep repeating to myself...outloud. My boss probably thinks I'm losing my mind. Maybe I am. Saying stuff outloud helps me commit. If someone hears me say "I will not pig out on Ben & Jerry's tonight", then in my mind, I have to keep that promise to them. Yes. I am OCD. My starting weight this week is 280lbs. Disgusting. I plan to drop 150lbs in a little over a year. By next summer I plan to be 130lbs and drop from a size 20 to a size 8 (or less). That's a little over 2lbs a week and a pretty healthy way to lose weight. Although this concept is not new to me, it will be the first time I actually try it. Wish me luck.